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I feel like shit. I’m refusing to take off my winter jacket even though I’m boiling outside. I can feel the fat, and I can see it and all I want to do is bury it.

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I don’t even know how much I weigh right now. I’m too scared to get up on the scale and see. 

I know I’ve put on a lot of weight. I can feel it.

Last time I weighed myself, I was 63 kg.

I need to get down to 50 kg. 

I need to get rid of my big belly. It’s poking out, and sucking in doesn’t help anymore.

I need to get rid of my flabby thighs. They’re fucking with my self-esteem now cus I can see them poking out when I wear jeans, and I don’t bother feeling like shit when I look in the mirror.

I need to get rid of the baby fat on my face. It’s stupid, gross and I’m not 8 years old.

I need to get rid of my fat rolls. 

I just want to wear a t-shirt or a dress and feel good when I look in the mirror. I don’t want to see the fat poking out everywhere. I don’t want to look for something looser to wear. I don’t want to look for something to cover myself up with. 

I just want to grab something from the closet, put it on and feel and look good.

So I have to avoid food as much as I can, at least for now. My stomach is just aching too much. 

I need to exercise. 

I need to put more effort into myself.

OK, I can do this. 

Yes, I can do this.

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